Silverburn sucks 6 January 2008

So last night I finally braved the wilds of Silverburn - Scotland’s newest, largest, glitziest, and most expensive shopping mall ever. The verdict? I thought I was back in Boca Raton. And no, that is not a compliment.

As with Palm Beach, it is a home for luxury brands showcased in marble and terrazzo, with blinding spotlights and cavernous ceilings. And as with Palm Beach, there is no soul, warmth, or feeling to the place. It is not a place where you go to wile away the day with friends. It is a place you can’t wait to leave. And although there were thousands of cars in the lots, I walked through the centre feeling utterly alone. Buchanan Street it’s not.

Bluewater is bigger to the point of absurdity, but you could spend a day there and never feel strained. The mall under the Louvre has even more marble and glass, but the energy coursing through it is unmistakable. Although the goods are for an elite beyond imagination, even a brief walk through the path is life-changing. In Silverburn, I felt thirsty, bored, and suffocated.

Although the mall is far from complete, storefronts in progress are draped with building-size covers with Biblical slogans like: “And there shall be sorrow no more, for ZARA has arrived.” Just like Boca, the mall takes no shame in asking people to substitute money and status symbols for contented happiness.

When I worked in the bullshit “regeneration” industry, on the site where Silverburn is now, the mall was touted as the magical solution to all of the neighbourhood’s problems of poverty and unemployment. Now, with those “poor deprived” souls putting up Bible verses about luxury brands, the corrupt circle seems complete. One billion pounds later, that area of the city is as artificial and empty as it was before, and its people have the same vacant and hopeless look in their eyes.